


A Squad In Need

by STUMPEDD



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Asexual James, Bigender Alex, Eliza Maria and John deserve each other, Multi, Tags to be updated as this expands, Trans John, Trans Thomas, agender herc, agender laf, asexual burr, asexual peggy, gays, its gross, polygender maria, texting fic, the south likes gravy, trans Angelica
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-30 15:37:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8538616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/STUMPEDD/pseuds/STUMPEDD
Summary: Thomas noJohn yes





	1. Midnight Ponderings

**Author's Note:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander - Ham4Ham  
> John - Tortoiseshell  
> Herc- HotshotHero  
> Laf- PetiteChou  
> Angelica - Snickers  
> Eliza - CandleWax  
> Peggy - LFDYGirls  
> Thomas - MauveMagenta  
> James - ImWeak  
> Burr - AdotBurr  
> Maria - 99Problems

**Tortoiseshell:** ELIZABETH! MARIA! I LOVE YOU!

 

 **99Problems:** JOHN! ELIZABETH! I LOVE YOU!

 

 **CandleWax:** MARIA! JOHN! I LOVE YOU!

 

 **MauveMagenta:** it's 3 am and you three live together go to sleep please

 

 **Tortoiseshell:** says the dude up at midnight texting the chat every cute and adorable thing you've learned about Alex in the last three years

 

 **MuaveMagenta:** shhhhh we’re getting married in less than a month I'm allowed to do that

 

 **CandleWax:** tru tru. Also I still can't believe Alex proposed to you tbh

 

 **99Problems:** I got 50 bucks outta that so I can

 

 **CandleWax:** hush

 

 **99Problems:** where is Alex tho bc I know he's not asleep with these messages going off

 

 **MauveMagenta:** he’s learning how to make various southerner foods. He's making those for the wedding and I'm on Caribbean food duty. It's an us thing

 

 **99Problems:** yeah bc you two are literally the most grossly adorable couple there is

 

 **HotshotHero:** I can't believe you two are getting married like wow. Feels like yesterday Alex was about to throw a knife at your head over a school project

 

 **MauveMagenta:** I'm blessed

 

 **Ham4Ham:** why do people from the south like their fucking gravy so much oh my god like every recipe calls for five tons of gravy

 

 **99Problems:** Alexander, back at it again with the only partially relevant comments

 

 **Ham4Ham:** shhhhsshsh im busy preparing for a wedding I've got rights to say and do anything

 

 **MauveMagenta:** except break up with me and die

 

 **Ham4Ham:** tru. Except those.

 

 **99Problems:** y'all are gross. I wish you'd never met.

 

 **Ham4Ham:** you're the ass that shoved me in a closet with him

 

 **Ham4Ham:** also ur welcome for introducing you to John and Eliza

 

 **Ham4Ham:** I am very unappreciated

 

 **MauveMagenta:** I appreciate you

 

 **Ham4Ham:** thanks babe

 

 **Tortoiseshell:** I appreciate you and have thanked you many times for dating two women and making them sad so I can be Prince Charming

 

 **Ham4Ham:** oh yeah I did date all three of you guys at some point or other

 

 **CandleWax:** did you,,,,,,,actually forget that?

 

 **Ham4Ham:** I'm engaged. I forget other people exist sometimes.

 

 **CandleWax:** disrespected. I was the second love of your life.

 

 **Tortoiseshell:** i was the first im more disrespected.

 

 **Ham4Ham:** actually Leonardo DiCaprio was the first. Titanic was the first movie I saw when I moved to America so like , , , he was my Not Straight realization

 

 **Ham4Ham:** Eliza ur my Not Gay realization so like,,,you've got that going for you

 

 **CandleWax:** thanks

 

 **99Problems:** E! J! I'm cold! Cuddle me!

 

 **CandleWax:** omw 

 

 **Tortoiseshell:** snatched

 

 **CandleWax:** rude. Alex tell John to share Maria

 

 **Ham4Ham:** busy

 

 **CandleWax:** I,,,,,,with what

 

 **Ham4Ham:** My soon to be husband decided to keep kissing my neck in that one spot so now I am busy

 

 **CandleWax:** g o d dam i t Alex and er


	2. The Haze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snickers: Hon when you said you were dating Thomas i instantly picked mine out. I know relationships
> 
>  
> 
> PititeChou: yes indeed you do wife
> 
>  
> 
> HotshotHero: All hail my wife Angelica for having her shit together
> 
>  
> 
> Snickers: i have the best husbands what the actual fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander - Ham4Ham  
> John - Tortoiseshell  
> Herc- HotshotHero  
> Laf- PetiteChou  
> Angelica - Snickers  
> Eliza - CandleWax  
> Peggy - LFDYGirls  
> Thomas - MauveMagenta  
> James - ImWeak  
> Burr - AdotBurr  
> Maria - 99Problems

ImWeak: Maria can you make a scent for ‘im taken and asexual fuck off’

 

99Problems: Skunk spray and roses. On it.

 

CandleWax: not in my household

 

99Problems: ,,,,,,

 

PititeChou: haha not in my place either trône rouge

 

99Problems: a l e x

 

Ham4Ham: Non sweetie. I’ve got a year left on this place. Not letting your perfume ruin it

 

99Problems: PEGGY!

 

LFDYGirls: No?

 

99Problems: ANGE!

 

Snickers: fuck off mara

 

99Problems: a a r o n

 

AdotBurr: i will fight you if you try

 

ImWeak: M i wa s jo kin g i just hate getting hit on

 

99Problems: hhhhhhHHHHH yeah but im not. I need to be a good parfumer

 

Tortoiseshell: Ria no

 

99Problems: Ria, M, Mara, and all those other nicknames i’ve been given YES

 

Ham4Ham: btw love im out of that gingersnap and buttercream stuff you made me and i will pay you like as much as you want for you to make it again

 

MauveMagenta: noooo plea s e dont

 

99Problems: I fucking told you it would work. I’m on it right now

 

Ham4Ham: haha the ham man has won again

 

Satisfied: Btw u 2 I still think and green and purple are disgusting wedding colors together

 

Ham4Ham: Bc someone has terrible taste in colors

 

MauveMagenta: literally no one uses green for weddings. I’m balancing it out with a decent color

 

Ham4Ham: that “decent color” is literally taking up half our closet space.

 

MauveMagenta: Your green is taking up the rest of it bc the fucking informal closet is all white and pink and putting your other stuff in there “messes up the feng shui”

 

Ham4Ham: You say this as if you weren’t helping me pick out a skirt 2 minutes ago

 

MauveMagenta: I,,,,,,,,,,,,y eah sure

 

LFDYGirls: man am i glad I only have to show up at the wedding. Watching James pick between three versions of the exact same suit is…… interest ing to say the least

 

ImWeak: i am the best man at this wedding i refuse to wear a suit that Alex will hate

 

Ham4Ham: thanks. Glad to know Thomas isnt in that equation

 

ImWeak: he’s gonna say i look fine in anything I choose bc he’s dumb and too nice to me

 

Tortoiseshell: AL E X I STILL NEED YOU TO PICK MY SUIT OUT B C IM TERRIBLE WITH CLOTHES

 

Ham4Ham: wasn’t Maria supposed to do that

 

99Problems: im having my own outfit crisis

 

Ham4Ham: You had a year to do this stuff. A y e a r

 

Snickers: At least I’ve had mine picked out for two and a half years

 

Ham4Ham: ?

 

Snickers: Hon when you said you were dating Thomas i instantly picked mine out. I know relationships

 

PititeChou: yes indeed you do wife

 

HotshotHero: All hail my wife Angelica for having her shit together

 

Snickers: i have the best husbands what the actual fuck

 

LFDYGirls: Rude my boyfriends are clearly the best

 

ImWeak: thanks peggs

 

AdorBurr: love you Peggy

 

Tortoiseshell: UM??

 

99Problems: IMMA LET YOU FINISH BUT

 

CandleWax: CLEARLY YOU AINT AWARE OF THE TOP COUPLE HERE

 

Ham4Ham: i cant believe Thom and I are the only not poly couple wtf

 

MauveMagenta: We almost were a poly couple

 

Snickers: Yeah but at the same time that wouldn’t have happened

 

MauveMagenta: Wow mean

 

Snickers: ‘Resident Satisfaction Roasts Trans Friendo Bc She Doesn’t Care About Him’

 

MauveMagenta: uninvited

 

Ham4Ham: Reinvited

 

Snickers: AHA

 

MauveMagenta: fuck

 

LFDYGirls: Alex what you wearing today

 

Ham4Ham: Pink knee-length lace with tied back white crop

 

MauveMagenta: ‘Tied back white crop’ my ass. You grabbed one my shirts

 

Ham4Ham: Yes and I look good in it

 

MauveMagenta: Hey peggy how long until you’ve gotta steal alex

 

LFDYGirls: ummmm i’d say three hours? Why?

 

MauveMagenta: Yeah three hours works. Alex in my shirt and a very loose skirt is a sight only I can appreciate properly

 

CandleWax: Maria im blaming you for this

 

99Problems: Get some Alex!

 

Tortoiseshell: At least they’re happy

 

CandleWax: I refuse to have my lunch date with Peggy and Alex be ruined bc Alex is in a haze

 

MauveMagenta: I’ll be fast so he’s not in one when you pick him up

 

CandleWax: Fucking better

 

\---

 

CandleWax: YOU FUCKER

CandleWax: “BE QUICK” USUALLY MEANS QUICK

CandleWax: HE’S PRACTICALLY DRUNK

 

MauveMagenta: That is on him. I tried but he’s very attractive and persistent

 

LFDYGirls: I just poked him and he laughed what the fuck is this

 

LFDYGirls: I am a vet student I’m not qualified for this

 

CandleWax: None of us are

 

Snickers: Okay but,,,who the fuck is driving

 

CandleWax: Im the driver but we aren’t moving, Not until Alex stops flirting with his h a n d

 

Tortoiseshell: Get him a small Sam Adams. Make him drink half and then half a water bottle

 

CandleWax: b ab e

 

Tortoiseshell: We were 18 i promise

 

99Problems: b a b e

 

Tortoiseshell: I’m being shamed for trying to help

 

MauveMagenta: isn’t it water before SA?

Tortoiseshell: Depends. For what Eliza is describing i’d say SA before water

 

MauveMagenta: alright yeah i’ll agree

 

CandleWax: Stop?? bonding ??? over fucking??? Al e X???

 

Tortoiseshell: Blame Maria for getting them together

 

99Problems: fu ck you

 

Tortoiseshell: Im not opposed to it

 

99Problems: i

 

99Problems: where are you

 

Tortoiseshell: Office

 

99Problems: omw

 

CandleWax: wake me up (wake me up inside) wake me up (i cant wake up)  
Snickers: i feel betrayed,,,,Laf,,,Herc,,,, pls kiss me

 

PetiteChou: Coming wife

 

Hotshothero: Stairs are hard but it’s worth it bc i love you two

 

Snickers: yay!!

 

LFDYGirls: ew

 

AdotBurr: ew

 

ImWeak: ew

 

LFDYGirls: <3 Asexual boyfriends i lov e you 

 

AdotBurr: <3

 

ImWeak: <3

 

Ham4Ham: This is a gross chat

 

Tortoiseshell: Ur jealous you’ve only got one lover

 

Ham4Ham: im marrying that one lover in a month tho

 

Snickers: Yes but im married with two husbands so li ke

 

LFDYGirls: Update - Eliza is screaming at a red light bc she hates everyone in this chat except me, Aaron, and James

 

ImWeak: !!YAY!!!

 

AdotBurr: WE’RE IMPORTANT

 

LFDYGirls: wow i love you two sm

 

ImWeak: <3

 

AdotBurr: <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk where these ships come from but !!! here they are and I love them all
> 
> Alex and Thomas are engaged  
> Angelica/Herc/Laf are married  
> Everyone else is just dating


	3. John Is Closer To Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ham4Ham: it's not even fucking time for the party what did he do
> 
>  
> 
> Tortoiseshell: HE FILLED
> 
>  
> 
> Tortoiseshell: THE JAR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alt. Title - John is getting his transition surguries finally and has a Thing
> 
> NAMES-  
> Alexander - Ham4Ham   
> John - Tortoiseshell  
> Herc- HotshotHero   
> Laf- PetiteChou  
> Angelica - Snickers  
> Eliza - CandleWax   
> Peggy - LFDYGirls  
> Thomas - MauveMagenta  
> James - ImWeak  
> Burr - AdotBurr  
> Maria - 99Problems  
> Lee - LoveIsLove

Tortoiseshell: YOU KNOW I EXPECTED GOOD BIRTHDAY PRESENTS

 

Tortoiseshell: B U T I DIDNT EXPECT THE BEST ONE TO COME FROM THOMAS WTF

 

Ham4Ham: it's not even fucking time for the party what did he do

 

Tortoiseshell: HE FILLED

 

Tortoiseshell: THE JAR

 

99Problems: H OW WHA T REALLY 

 

Tortoiseshell: LIK E HE COMES IN V SUDDENTLY LIKE ‘hey so rememebr when i complained about my paychecks not coming in’ anD I WAS LIKE ‘YEAH’ AND HE GAVE ME THE FUCKING PAYCHECKS AND IT WAS WHAT I NEEDED AND WAY MORE LIKE? ??? ? ?

 

Ham4Ham: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

MauveMagenta: i jsu t hated the way Alex and I saved our money for my stuff pt. 2 adn the way Angelica and I saved money together for our stuff pt.1 and like,,,im fucking rich anyway so i just kinda started saving bc i know the uncomfortability of not getting the surgeries

 

Tortoiseshell: ur so nice to me why what did i do

 

MauveMagenta: you had homophobic/transphobic parents, an abusive dad, and way more discomfort in your body that i just wanted to be nice

 

Ham4Ham: wowowowowowowowow holy shi t wtf

Tortoiseshell: i ri gh t

 

99Problems: HECK OKAY SO LIKe,,,,, WHEN WE GONNA SCHEDUAL THI S SHIT

 

Tortoiseshell: SOON AS POSSIBLE IS PREFERRED THANKS

 

CandleWax: IM SO HAPPY MY EX-BABES CURRENT BABE IS HELPING MY CURRENT BABE AND THIS IS A LOT TO PROCESS

 

LFDYGirls: you know who would enjoy this a lot

 

Tortoiseshell: Pe g g y no

 

LFDYGirls: HHHHHH he’ s literally the only person you go to pride to 100% of the time

 

Tortoiseshell: ye s bu t 

 

LFDYGirls: ik ik i promise but pl ea s e

 

Tortoiseshell: fine fine fine but no one fucking mention the thing

 

Tortoiseshell: wait shit is chat history on

 

LFDYGirls has added LoveIsLove to the chat

 

LoveIsLove: ‘sup

 

Tortoiseshell: LEE GUESS WHAT

 

LoveIsLove: hmm

 

Tortoiseshell: MY! JAR! IS! FILLED!

 

LoveIsLove: !!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

LoveIsLove: also what thing

 

Tortoiseshell: fuckk k ing shit Peggy i k new thsi was a bad idea

 

99Problems: John love

 

CandleWax: we literally talked to you for four hours over this

 

Tortoiseshell: doesnt change a thing

 

LoveIsLove: john

 

Tortoiseshell: SHUT

 

Ham4Ham: this is super cute tbh

 

Tortoiseshell: you can shut as well mr “im straight now” hamilton

 

Ham4Ham: K LISTEN

 

Tortoiseshell: nop

 

LFDYGirls: can I do it

 

Tortoiseshell: NO PLEASE

 

LFDYGirls: fine fine. Lee go to John’s apartment rn

 

Tortoiseshell: dont actually thanks its my birthday and i dont want this stress

 

LFDYGirls: im just saying if you talked about the thing it wouldnt be the thing anymore

 

Tortoiseshell: okay but. That actually means jack shit soooooo

 

LFDYGirls: ?

 

Tortoiseshell: just because you know everything will be okay, that doesn’t mean anythign. You were soooo accepted okay. Dont lie. You were. I. was. Not. i almost di e d for this.

 

Tortoiseshell: im not gonna talk about The Thing until im actually ready k thx bai

 

Tortoiseshell: besides just bc ive talked to my girls means actually nothing to the other third party here

 

Tortoiseshell: bc like,,,,,,,, we all know he’s not that and who the fuck knows other than his two friends

 

Tortoiseshell: i hate this im going to sleep. Wake me up when im 25 and not screaming over this

 

Ham4Ham: non non you aren’t. I will be over in a sec and we can watch G.B.F together and scream over Brent and Tanner being v gay

Tortoiseshell: thanksss.,,

 

==

 

Snickers: did you know Peggy has no emotions

 

LFDYGirls: rude

 

Snickers: i mean not to start shit but. Imma start shit.

 

AdotBurr: k but dont tho

 

Tortoiseshell: idk im feeling better after watching like 4 hella good gay af movies

 

Ham4Ham: ur welc

 

Tortoiseshell: im also salty Alex is like fucking a year younger than me and getting married

 

Ham4Ham: tbh i didnt wanna get married ever for the longest time but Thomas proposed and i was like sure af

 

Tortoiseshell: if i play my gay anthems playlist at the party will anyone argue

 

LoveIsLove: You have to play Britney and then Ke$ha first then its fine

 

Tortoiseshell: obvi

 

Snickers: you two are like white popular girls at Starbucks

 

Tortoiseshell: we are tho, just im not white or popular and we aren’t at Starbucks

 

LoveIsLove: tbh

 

Snickers: idk you were pretty popular in college

 

Tortoiseshell: eh

 

==

 

Ham4Ham: PARTY TIME!!

 

Tortoiseshell: yay

 

Ham4Ham: not genuine

 

Tortoiseshell: idk im still stressed

 

Ham4Ham: how about instead of all that planned shit, we have a dumb gay dance party/movie viewing with everyone while we eat the cake before dinner and share our best memories with you

 

Tortoiseshell: that sounds actually rlly nice

 

Ham4Ham: good bc i added like 20 movies to your watch later list on Netflix

 

Ham4Ham: also @ Eliza why in the heck are you watching SVU i thought you hated cop shows

 

CandleWax: im very in love with how they represent LGBT so im watching it

 

Ham4Ham: makes sense.

 

CandleWax: wait wtf why were you on my account

 

Ham4Ham: i very suddenly have to go

 

CandleWax: three weeks and he’s Thomas’. three weeks and he’s Thomas’. three weeks and he’s Thomas’.

 

==

 

Tortoiseshell: k so i know everyone is asleep but

 

Tortoiseshell: ur all gr8 thx

 

Tortoiseshell: you all said ur fave moments with me and i feel i wanna share mine @ y’all so you can wake up and make me blush

 

Tortoiseshell: W/ Eliza I really liked when I first met you bc you were SO PRETTY and i was 100% jealous Alex had you

 

Tortoiseshell: @ ‘Ria, I liked when we first kissed bc it was super soft and it really felt like you trusted me

 

Tortoiseshell: I liked whenever Alex and I would literally wander around the park for hours and hours on end not talking bc it was nice to have my friend there

 

Tortoiseshell: Angelica my fave moment was when you were showing me those receipts and we just sassed people bc idk you just get me

 

Tortoiseshell: Peggy i like when you come over, fall asleep, and are just there. I’m like 100% happy when you do this

 

Tortoiseshell: Laf and Herc yours is together. It’s when you two and I were in that bar where we met Alex bc you were and are my better dads

 

Tortoiseshell: Burr I liked when you went to pride with me for the first time and got so into it and I was very proud of you

 

Tortoiseshell: James you and I had a lot of fun on that project for bio and idk you were just really easy to work with and you were super helpful

 

Tortoiseshell: Thomas i like whenever you and Alex are together. It makes me super happy to see you two so happy. 

 

Tortoiseshell: Lee my favorite moment is when you and I met at pride. I would never trade our friendship for literally anything. I love you man.

 

==

 

LoveIsLove: I love you too John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where am i what am i who am i

**Author's Note:**

> The OT10 verse is dead and gone so here's my new texting fic with updated OTPs


End file.
